OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
