When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
