i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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