spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
