you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
