My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he shaved USA in his pubs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
