sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
