i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found your dick twin last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
