i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
