somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
