Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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