proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
