I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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