you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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