Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
