What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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