I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
