My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
