my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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