Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
