it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
