you traded sex for a burrito?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
