So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
