Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
