I wish life had little blips of pornography
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
