literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
