My liver just broke up with me...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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