you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
