just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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