it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
