ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
