and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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