shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
