Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
