i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
