Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
