even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
