whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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