I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
