i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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