The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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