she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
