so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
