Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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