I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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