You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
