I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
