I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
