I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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