I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
